Goodbye
by liveandlove1989
Summary: Death is knocking on the door for Ellie and Riley. But so is the opportunity for love. Admitting is the hard part, they think. Or is it goodbye? (oneshot between Riley and Ellie, rated M for mature content such as violence, graphic sexual activities, and language)


I stared at her hand, offered so expectantly. How could this really be the end? After fighting so long...this was the way we were going out. I supposed it was one of the better ways, but still.

Fighting the urge to cry all over again, I accepted her hand. She was still strong, and pulled me up without really trying. I stumbled and bumped into her, but she simply smiled and grasped my hand a bit firmer.

"Come on. We gotta get outta this place." Her voice didn't even break. How was she so resilient?

I nodded and sniffled, wiped at tears that weren't even there. Reaching down, I caught her other wrist and held it up. The bite was bleeding less now, clotting stopping it. But still it was inflamed and screamed mercy. I couldn't stand the sight of it.

My tank top was already tattered and ruined, so I didn't blink an eye in ripping a piece off. Riley looked at me, puzzled, eyes curious but not wary.

"What's that for?" she asked quietly, watching me rip the cloth again into two pieces.

I wiped my nose with the back of my hand and offered a small smile. "It'll help for now. I wish I had antibiotics for the inflammation and pain, but we're goners anyhow, right?" I chuckled dryly and Riley simply raised her hand.

"Thanks."

I nodded and wrapped one piece around her hand gingerly yet securely, tying it in a knot carefully. Next I attempted to do the same to my own injury, but my hand shook so badly I could do nothing other than fumble with the cloth as I attempted to knot.

Seeing this, Riley placed a hand atop mine and stopped me. I looked up to find kind eyes, causing me to freeze. As she looked back down to tie the thing herself, I couldn't help wanting to cry once more.

I'd just admitted how I felt. How was it fair I had to lose her so soon?

When she looked back up, I was ready. She didn't react when I leaned in to claim her lips, not at first. Gently, she pushed me back, ending the embrace before it could even fully become that.

I stared in shock, fear overcoming me. "I-I..." I couldn't comprehend sentences, no way. We simply stared.

Then, "Ellie... We're best friends, Ellie. I don't want this to be something that you do simply because things aren't looking so good." There was pain on her face now, worry and regret. It made me ache inside.

I swallowed and reached up tentatively, cupped her cheeks in my hands. Even now her skin was so soft, so warm. Why the hell couldn't things be different?

"I'm not doing this because I think things are bad. They are, they're fucked, but I wanted this before that. I wanted _you."_ My voice was surprisingly steady, and I waited for any reaction that would pull from the girl before me.

She seemed to search my eyes, my face, searched for something there to confirm my words. Her eyes were set, hard, and it honestly scared me. Did she truly believe I was just screwing with her? At a time like this?

But then that look dispersed and she drew a sharp intake of breath. "Ellie..."

And then her lips were on mine, soft and sweet and so, so right. I closed my eyes after the initial shock wore off and moved my hands to her neck, then the back of her head, pulling her in. She pressed against me fully, warm and _real_. This wasn't just one of my fantasies. This was happening. And I loved it.

Her lips were full and as welcoming as I'd imagined, tongue gentle and inviting as it pressed gingerly against my own lips, begging for entrance. I allowed her that, wanting more, wanting it all. I wanted every sensation, every pleasure. Every fantasy lived, every desire fulfilled. If I was dying soon, I was giving her my all before I kicked the bucket. Fuck everything else.

Our movements were awkward and uncertain, neither of us knowing what we were doing but okay with that. So what if we weren't experts?

But after several dreamy moments, she gave a final kiss and pulled back, even with me whining quietly in protest. She gave a gentle smile and grasped my wrists, pulling my hands from her hair, where I'd entangled my fingers in the passionate caress.

"Not here. I want to go somewhere private. Just us." Her smile was bright now, making me smile as well.

I nodded and allowed her to drag me along like a lovesick puppy, not caring where she was taking me but instead thinking ahead to the activities that would take place there. Would she be as gentle with that as she was with kissing? As passionate? Of course she would be. It was going to be perfect.

We must have walked five, ten minutes at best, but to me it was an eternity. To have her so close, willing, yet out of bounds for the moment, was torture. Did she have any idea what she was doing to me? Was it purposeful?

But then she pulled me into a small room off to the side of a larger door, pushed me gently into the room before shutting the door. I thought I heard the click of a lock, but was that to keep something out or me in? Either way, it was smart.

I couldn't move from the spot she'd set me; my legs felt like lead, feet glued to the overgrowing stone floor. So Riley searched the premises, checking every place something could be hiding, while I surveyed the area from my stance.

The walls were bare, paint peeled, cracks along the way. The large window that took up most of the wall opposite the door seemed to be covered in a black paint, the light of dawn filtering in only through cracks and peels. A desk that I supposed had occupied the space before the window was now pressed securely against another door that lead out to the side, into the larger room I'd seen, I presumed. And in it's place was a beat up old mattress, wore with age and use.

I looked at Riley questioningly and she smiled lightly and she removed the gun belt from her waist. "Hey, I needed a sorta safe, temporary place to stay. I found this, and there aren't any clickers or even normal freaks in the area. And, it's got a great view." She chuckled and looked at the window, and I noticed there was a space the paint didn't occupy, a square about the size of my palm, at eye level.

She sighed and looked back at me, and I noticed immediately the change in attitude. She suddenly seemed timid, unsure where to stand or what to say. I didn't either though, so we were on level ground at the moment.

"So what..." She cleared her throat and gave a nervous chuckle. "How is this supposed to work?..."

I swallowed past a lump in my throat and shuffled forward a bit, only a foot or two, then seemed to sink. "I... don't know," I answered honestly. I looked away before she could see the self loathing that was going on in my head.

"Let's... just start slow," she suggested. "We can pick up where we left off and... go from there."

I nodded in agreement and looked up, and she returned the gaze expectantly. It was her who'd initiated things before. But me before that. So, we were taking turns? I didn't know, but I definitely didn't disagree.

Practically holding my breath, I forced my body to move forward those few feet. Standing before her, though, I seemed to lose all courage. All I'd ever dreamed... How could I show her that when I didn't even have the balls to kiss her? Stupid fucking fears.

She sensed my terror and gave a tiny smile, raised a hand to my face and caressed my cheek, careful to avoid the cuts and scratches there. "You don't have to be afraid of me, love. I don't bite." She giggled quietly and shrugged. "Well, at least not yet."

I stared, stunned, barely registering that last bit. No, my mind was wrapping around that one word. "Love?" I finally whispered, straining to get the syllable out.

Riley bit her bottom lip so adorably and nodded. "Yes."

Maybe it was the way she seemed to be teasing me. Or the final admittance she felt the exact same as me. Or, I was just tired of being scared.

But I pushed her back, making her yelp as she fell onto the mattress behind her. I landed on top, moving immediately so my knees were on either side her hips, hands on either side her head; I didn't want to be too heavy and ruin everything.

She stared up at me in shock, then wonder, then a look I'd never seen before. It wasn't desire, but it was definitely wanting. I licked my lips which suddenly felt far too dry, let out a shaky breath, smiled down into those taupe eyes. God were they beautiful.

"Well?" she asked after a moment of stares, and I realized I hadn't moved, simply studied and thought. My face burned at being called out like that, and I nervously moved, unintentionally straddling her hips in the process.

"S-sorry," I muttered, leaning in slowly to place a chaste kiss to her mouth.

Of course that wasn't enough though. With the new position our passion seemed to be fueled, edged on by the knowledge of just how damn _wrong_ this was. We moved as uncertainly as before, but here it didn't matter. So long as it felt good, inexperience be damned.

I found a discomfort growing in my abdomen and shifted often, attempting without result to ignore it. It grew as Riley pulled me down to press our bodies together, squirming against me slowly. I moaned into her mouth, licked the back of her teeth. She practically growled, her hands snaking downward.

I was caught off guard when they grabbed painfully at my chest, let out a tiny squeal and pulled back, giggling. "Hey!" I fought off her hands and sat up slowly.

Her hair was slightly disheveled, lips wet, mouth open the tiniest bit as she breathed in and out. Her eyes were dark now, clouded. They burned into me, and I couldn't look away.

I knew what she wanted, knew what _I_ wanted. Taking a deep breath, I grasped the hem of my top and pulled it over my head. Tossing it aside, I decided I didn't ever want it back on. Not while I was here, with Riley.

Her eyes widened slightly and she licked her lips subconsciously, watching every movement I made with caution. It made me wary, self-conscious almost, but still I took the chance and reached around, unclasping the too-small-for-me white bra. If her eyes were wide before, it was nothing to how big they got as the article slipped down off me and I tossed it.

"Wow," she breathed, her right hand coming up unsteadily, fingertips grazing the side of the mound of flesh. But even that made me catch my breath, and I raised my arms to cover myself uneasily.

She blinked, her eyes losing some of that cloudiness at this. She smiled lightly and placed both hands over my own. "You're beautiful, Ellie."

I bit my lip and looked away. "I-I wanna see you, too..."

She blinked once more, and if I'd been able to see it I would've sworn she blushed. Gently, she nudged my stomach, telling me to move. I did just that, slipping off the bed to rest on my calves at her feet.

She sat up, looking even more scared than I was. But that didn't stop her from swiftly removing her jacket and shirt. But then a pause on the bra. She looked up and cleared her throat.

"Um... do you... Do wanna, you know, take this off?" Her voice was low, the sound almost a whisper, but I heard it. Definitely.

My face burned when the realization of it hit me, but I somehow nodded. There was an awkward moment when neither of us made a motion to move, but it was enough for me to finally get myself together. Jaw set, I easily slipped back onto the bed, this time straddling her for a reason. I didn't need guidance to undo the tiny clasp of her bra, and in seconds it was tossed aside with everything else and forgotten about. And I got to see her.

Beautiful didn't come close to how she looked. Toned dark skin, perfectly peaked breasts, smooth stomach. Though her own chest was smaller than mine, that didn't stop me from admiring her with some envy.

I reached out, much like the way she'd done, but my fingers had a destination. She hissed almost when they found her nipple, pinched lightly. I watched her face as I continued, seeing only pleasure as I repeated the movement. She stared right into my eyes, allowed herself to let out soft noises at my touch.

"Is this okay?" I asked quietly, only wanting to please. All fear was gone now.

She nodded and leaned back on her palms, giving me better access to those glorious mounds. Curiosity caused me to cup one, squeeze tentatively. That received a wanton moan, and I shuddered at the sound. I didn't expect the rush of pleasure to my own body her sounds caused.

I didn't get a chance to go further, though, as she shifted back into a sitting position and grasped my face with her hands, bringing our mouths together once more. I melted, nipping and kissing her lips like my life depended on it.

She fell back, pulling me down with her. The contact of flesh on flesh, our breasts meeting- it made me moan involuntarily. I wanted her more than ever. I _needed_ her. Slipping my leg easily between her own, I groaned as she suddenly lifted the leg between mine. It made contact, and in a moment of weakness I thrust forward, rubbing against it.

My sharp intake of breath urged her on, and before I could do anything I was falling to the side. She was quick; she overtook me easily, pinning my arms over my head. Her knee ground into my center needily, her lips and teeth captured the skin on my neck. I couldn't move, couldn't breath. It was unreal, the pleasure I was feeling simply because of this. What would it be like when these last few layers weren't there?

As if reading my thoughts her hands let go of my wrists to slip downward, and I felt her struggling with the button and zipper of my jeans. I didn't argue, didn't stop her. I wanted this more than I'd ever wanted something in my life.

She made short work of the zipper after succeeding with the zipper, and her mouth momentarily left my neck, knee my center, as she crawled down to tug off the worrisome garment. When it was gone though and all that was left was my already soaked panties, I was scared again. What if she didn't like what she saw?

I yelped at the thought and scrambled up just as she was grasping the band of them to rid me of them. She jumped slightly at the suddenness of it and looked at me in surprise and worry.

"What? What is it, what's wrong?"

But, how could I tell her I was self-conscious now? Would she be mad? Fuck, what the hell was wrong with me?

"I...I..." But I couldn't say anything.

I sighed and brought my knees up, hugging them to my chest. I almost felt like crying.

Riley saw this and quickly moved in for a hug. Her body was soft, warm and reassuring against my own. I gladly accepted the touch, one of a best friend still instead of a lover. It was what I needed right now more than anything.

We must have stayed like that for the longest time before Riley pulled back. She smiled reassuringly at me and moved a piece of loose hair from my forehead. "It's okay, Ellie."

I sighed and wrapped my arms around myself. "I'm sorry, I just..."

Riley placed a finger to my lips, silencing me. "I know. I was going to fast, I'm sorry. This was my fault."

I quickly shook my head and grabbed her hand gently. "No, not at all! You've done nothing wrong."

She smiled once more and brought my hand to her face, kissing my knuckles gently. "I want nothing more than to rip that stupid thing off," she said, eyes flashing down to my panties, "but I won't. Not until you say it's okay."

I shuddered at the thought and swallowed nervously. "I-I know."

She pulled her hand from my grasp and simply stared a moment before rising. I questioned with my eyes, but she didn't answer, winked instead. And then she began unzipping her own pants.

My breath caught slightly as I watched in both fascination and awe as they slipped down, revealing perfectly toned thighs and slender legs. I couldn't help but giggle when I saw her underwear though. They were a dark green color, with what appeared to be human-like turtles on them. They looked like ninjas or something.

She scoffed and threw the now off jeans at me, crossing her arms. "Shut up, okay? I don't know what show or whatever this was from at one point, but they fit, alright? That's all I needed."

I shrugged and smirked. "They suite you."

She rolled her eyes and gripped the banding, and in one fluid motion, she was suddenly standing naked before me. I wasn't prepared for that.

My eyes automatically drifted to the tight black curls that occupied in between her thighs, shielding my view of her nether region. But even still my jaw dropped. "Fuck," I whispered.

She would've blushed, I knew. She self-consciously clasped her hands before herself and shifted. "Good or bad 'fuck'?"

I gulped and blinked, having to shift myself to tame the fire that was growing within me. "Definitely good."

I thought it unfair out of nowhere that she was alone in this. Taking a deep breath, I lowered myself back, lifted, and removed my last boundary.

My eyes were closed when I tossed them, scared as to what her reaction would be. I heard a tiny gasp, but that was all. It scared me, as the seconds ticked by I became more afraid I wasn't as she'd pictured, that she was disgusted.

But then there she was, over top me. My eyes flew open after the first harsh kiss and met dark ones. Lust. That's the only thing I could make out. Lust, desire, everything I felt.

"I want you," she hissed, straddling me. I gulped again but smirked.

"Then take me."

Soft lips seemed to harden as each kiss grew fierce, more determined and needy, sloppy. Her hands sought out my own, fingers intertwining, and the press of her body fully against my own, nothing between our skin; god did I love it.

For the longest time it was all we needed, but that fire in my abdomen grew too uncontrollable to ignore. I was dying for her to help me. I was like someone stranded in the desert, and she was the water I needed to quench an aching thirst.

I tried to convey this message to her by moaning into her mouth, groaning, wriggling helplessly beneath her. But she seemed to enjoy tormenting me.

Finally I took matters into my own hand. Slipping my fingers out of her grasp, I gripped her wrist firmly and slid her hand down me, down my chest and stomach to that private sanctum waiting for her touch. She stopped just before though, running her fingertips through the curls that nestled there, teasing relentlessly. It was almost too much.

Her mouth met mine to travel down my jaw, my neck. They reached my collar bone just as, for the first time, her fingers dipped down into a dripping center.

They were cold. So cold.

I hissed at the feel, pulling away automatically. But she persisted, slipping them down further, into the lips. They felt so amazing, so gentle. Not at all how I imagined after the attack I'd received just minutes before. But she was careful and precise, searching and finding areas that made me groan with ease.

Her mouth attached to my skin, right above my breast, teeth then tongue grazing over with delicacy. Her fingers worked wonders around the tiny bundle of nerves below. I was in ecstasy.

And then suddenly it stopped.

A hiss of pain came from Riley as she jerked to the side, falling away from me. I gasped at the loss but quickly recovered, sitting up frantically to see if she was okay.

"Riley? Riley, what is it?"

She yelped and covered her head, curling up into a fetal position. Already her skin looked damp with sweat, the tiny droplets sliding and glistening.

And I knew.

My heart wrenched as I reached out to touch her, to comfort, to do anything besides sit aside and watch. Goddammit she was my best friend!

"Riley? Riley, it's okay. I-I'm here, I'm right here." But my words seemed to have no effect.

She shook with sobs of pain as she curled further in on herself; her skin was sticky with the perspiration now.

"E-Ellie," she cried, groping blindly for my hand. I grasped hers tightly and squeezed. "Please," she hissed.

I couldn't help. There were no meds I could give her to ease the pain and my words weren't enough, I knew. I couldn't do anything, and I felt useless.

"So...this is...it, huh?" she managed through sobs, her grip tightening to near bone-breaking strength.

"No, come on, you can pull through," I tried, tears threatening to fall. My eyes watered over, and the first of many teardrops found its way down my face. I sniffled and rubbed my nose with the back of my free hand. "Come on... You're a fighter, Riley."

I got a pained chuckle, a hiss. "Yeah, well... doesn't feel like it..." She shuddered and gasped, groaned in agony.

I shook my head and moved closer, rubbing her back gently in any attempt to comfort. "You are. You're strong, and brave, and goddamn you're the best soldier I've ever met."

She chuckled dryly again and took a sharp intake of breath. "Ellie...Ellie...you remember plan one?..."

Plan one? I fervently racked my brain for that. It sounded so familiar, yet at the moment nothing made sense. "Plan one?" I asked, wiping at my nose again.

"The...gun..." he hissed as a new wave of pain ran through her.

And then it clicked, and I audibly gasped. The gun. No. No no no no no. I-I couldn't. I wouldn't.

"N-no. Riley, no!" I cried, staring in horror at the gun belt off to the side.

But she jerked her hand from my grip, and as I watched she dragged herself over to the edge of the bed, reaching blindly and jerking the gun from its holster.

"Ellie...please..."

I burst out crying before I could stop myself. "Goddammit! Goddammit, it isn't fair! I won't, I won't!"

Riley stumbled to sit up, forcing herself to remain upright even though the agony was clear on her face. "Please... Ellie, I don't... Don't let me... become one of those..." She couldn't finish though, doubled over and screamed into her hands.

The gun toppled from her grasp to her feet, just in reach. I stared at it like it would bite me if I went near it, like it was a monster. How could I do something so sick as to shoot my best friend, my lover? Would I?

But she was in so much pain. Could I let her go through that any more than kill her and end her suffering?

She didn't offer me a choice though. Before I could react, she jerked the gun up and held it to her head. I stared into watery brown eyes, fear and torment the only things I saw.

"I love you..."

"Riley, n-" I screamed, plunging at her.

But I was too late.

Blood. Blood everywhere. My ears rang with the sound that shot had made in the tiny room. And all I could do was sit and stare.

"No..." was the only word that passed my lips, a whisper that drifted away as soon as it was said.

And I was alone again.

* * *

 **So, I realized there weren't really all that many Ellie/Riley pairings. Mainly Ellie/Joel, which, if Imma be honest, is slightly disappointing.**

 **Sorry for such a morbid ending to this. I really don't know what the heck happened, but this was the result. This was just a oneshot type deal, so I'm not gonna write anything more, but reviews are appreciated. Thanks!**

 **- _Sara_**


End file.
